Tip# 205 -
Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part 1 – Instant Rapport Through Language - 31st May 2007
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This Week's Tip...Secrets
of NLP Coaching - Part 1 – Instant Rapport Through Language
Last week we
looked at some principles for using hypnosis to get big results in the coaching
context. This week I’m going to share one of my favourite techniques for
creating instant rapport with a person so you can connect with them on a deep
level.
Several years
ago, I was doing some executive coaching for a large multinational, & I was due
to meet with the sales director & one of his managers. I stopped by to have a
word with the manager prior to the meeting, who warned me not to mention the
sales figures. He explained that the numbers had been very low; that the
director had been in a bad mood all day, & would go mad if I mentioned the
figures.
When the
manager & I walked into the director’s office, the first words out of my mouth
were “Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month.” The manager cringed,
waiting for the inevitable explosion, but the director just laughed, shook my
hand & said “Yeah, but it’s time to move on.” We immediately got down to
business& had a successful meeting, with no further mention of the dreaded sales
number.
Meet them
at their map of the world
You begin to
establish rapport when you meet someone at their ‘map of the world’. As humans,
we have a natural tendency to get “in-sync” with one another over time, but it’s
possible to speed the process up dramatically.
Our brains
contain “mirror neurons” that help us understand how another person is feeling,
make predictions about what they’re going to do next, & learn through imitation.
We can use our neural heritage to make guesses about what the other person is
thinking & feeling.
1) Next time you have a chat
or meet with a person, ask yourself “What’s it like to be them right now?” Make
a guess about what the other person is thinking & feeling. If appropriate,
acknowledge it in your language.
The statement
you make can range from the specific to the general. For instance:
·
In the case of
the sales director, where I had specific information about his likely focus of
attention, saying “Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month” was a very
specific way of saying to him “I understand what you’re feeling”.
·
To a policeman I
was chatting to in Dublin
last weekend who said that he thought NLP was a load of nonsense, I said
“When people are sceptical about this stuff, I usually tell them that they’re
right to be sceptical. After all, until you’ve experienced just how powerful
this can be for you in your own life, why would you have any reason to be
otherwise?” Suddenly he became curious & asked to see the cards I was
showing someone else. (If you recognise this sentence from a previous tip, it’s
because I’ve started to use this as a ‘stock response’ whenever someone
expresses scepticism about NLP.)
·
In the case of a
group of 500 teenagers I spoke to last year, I said "Hi guys. It's Monday
morning, and we're all here at assembly, and you've all come here for a reason,
so as you sit here listening to me, you may be wondering 'What has this guy got
to say that's going to be interesting & valuable to me & my life?' The majority
of the group immediately became attentive & engaged.
It’s worth
noticing something about my actions in these three situations:
·
In the case of
the sales director, my statement was based on information received a few minutes
earlier.
·
In the case of
the teenagers, I planned it out the day before the talk.
·
In the case of
the policeman, I responded in the moment to what he said (but I did use a stock
phrase).
2) Prepare some ‘stock
responses’ for situations that crop up regularly in your life.
Taking a few
minutes to do this today can massively increase your speed & effectiveness in
connecting with people.
3)
Notice the response you get.
Of course!
Whatever you do or say, notice the responses you get. People always respond, &
when you’re focusing your attention on them, you can get valuable information
about the impact you’re having.
Next week,
we’ll be looking at some other ways to get the kind of powerful rapport that
paves the way for powerful coaching interactions (& powerful interactions of all
sorts).
I’ll also be
unveiling a powerful new resources for people who want better coaching skills
(I’m really excited about this one, & it’s taking all my willpower not to tell
you all about it this week!)
Have lots of
fun connecting with people.
Best wishes
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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