Welcome to this week’s tip. Last week, we explored some simple keys that are worth bearing in mind, particularly when you’re communicating with someone, & even more particularly if you want to influence them. Whenever I introduce the subject of influence, I notice that there are lots of people who feel a bit uncomfortable with the subject, so in this article, I’m going to reveal something about influence that’s either going to put your concerns at rest, or amplify them out of all proportion!
 

You cannot not influence

Whenever you’re interacting with someone, you’re influencing them. You see, as human beings, we have a conscious mind, & we also have an unconscious mind. Our unconscious minds pay attention to each other every bit as alertly as our conscious minds do.

And unconscious minds love to communicate.

Unconscious minds communicate in a variety of ways, including:

·         Body language

·         Voice tone

·         Word selection

Here’s an example:

The famous therapist Carl Rogers passionately believed that the therapist should not influence the client. There’s a piece of footage of Rogers saying to a client who was trying to make a decision “On the one hand, you’ve said you can do X [gestures with right hand], & on the other hand you’ve said you can do Y [gestures with left hand], & I don’t know which is the right choice for you [gestures with right hand again]…”

So was Rogers’ unconscious indicating his own preference in his gesture? Or was his unconscious ‘punning’ on the ambiguous word ‘right’? Did this communication ‘tip the balance’ in the client’s decision-making process.

I don’t know, but I know that Rogers’ gesture will have been noticed by the client’s unconscious mind. 
 

1)         Next time you are in a space where people are moving (eg. A train station, the main reception area of a cinema, a city street), move around in the space without influencing anyone, & without allowing anyone to influence you. Do this for three minutes.

You can model any group of humans as a complex, dynamic system. Like a child’s mobile, if you move any part of it, the rest of it moves.

This gives rise to the so-called “Law of requisite variety”, specifically…

The element in the system with the most flexibility is the most influential

Is this always true? Probably not. But when you act as though it’s true, & continue developing your personal flexibility, you’ll be amazed at how influential you can become.

If you accept the idea that we’re always influencing one another, then a different question comes to mind:

“How can you ethically influence people in ways that benefit all parties?”

Next week we’ll start exploring some of the principles of ethical influence. Until then, enjoy continuing becoming aware of the degree to which you’re already extraordinarily influential!

By the way, if you've been wanting to develop your NLP, Language & Influence skills, but haven't been sure how, now's a great time to take action & get your abilities to the next level. Our 'Ethical Influence' bundle will get you over £200 worth of the world's finest influence products for only £57 for the download and £77 for the CD set.

Click here for the Ethical Influence with NLP Audio Bundle

Click here for the Ethical Influence with NLP CD Bundle

Have a great week!
Jamie

Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk

If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends, family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments, criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
 

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