Last
week we explored the idea that you cannot not influence. This week we’re
going to look at how people’s unconscious minds are trying to influence you
- the fact that people will tell you everything you need to know in order to
work with them in the very first minute… as long as you can see, hear &
utilise their unconscious messages. This applies in everything from therapy
to sales to executive coaching. In this article, you’ll discover how you can
tune in to this 'magic minute'.
You’ve
seen it in a hundred movies: a character who’s having trouble being
understood is desperately being asked for a vital piece of information. Over
& over again, they tell their questioner exactly what they need to know, but
the questioner just scratches their head & says “If only he could tell us
where the treasure is buried / the way out of here / where the key is...”
It’s
exactly the same with the unconscious mind.
The
unconscious tells you everything in the very first minute
The unconscious
mind always finds an answer to whatever question you ask it. Use the
coaching context as an example:
A client comes to a
coach for some help. The coach asks “What do you want?” The client sits up
straight, raises their chin & looks up. Then they take a deep breath in
through their nose & let it out, & a look of contentment settles on their
face. Then they look down and to the left and say “I don’t know”.
The
coach then proceeds to spend the next hour asking them the question in
different ways, trying to get past the “I don’t know” answer.
But
here’s the thing...
Their
unconscious mind answered the question immediately, the first time it was
asked.
The
unconscious mind answers honestly & instantly
The human bodymind has been developing over countless thousands of years for
a world of things & experience, not a world of words (language is a valuable
but relatively recent evolutionary development).
Every
word you hear (& the ones you read too) gets translated into something the
deeper bodymind can understand – pictures, smells, sounds, tastes &
sensations – a “sensory” representation.
And it
works both ways.
In
order to answer a question:
a) the
question gets translated into something the deeper bodymind understands, a
sensory representation
b) the
bodymind creates an answer it understands (a “sensory representation”
answer). Typically, this answer gets demonstrated in real time, eg.
“The client sits up
straight, raises their chin & looks up. Then they take a deep breath in
through their nose & let it out, & a look of contentment settles on their
face.”
c) the
neurology then translates this “sensory representation” answer into
something the conscious mind can talk about, eg.
“Then they look down
and to the left, adopt a concerned expression and say “I don’t know”.
Here
is a possible interpretation of what just happened.
|
Observed data
|
Possible
interpretation |
|
The coach asks
“What do you want?” |
Good question!
|
|
The client
sits up straight |
People sometimes
exhibit a lack of physical alignment when they aren’t aligned with
their values etc. This client may want alignment.
|
|
Raises their
chin & looks up |
Maybe accessing
some internal visual representation of a desired outcome, direction
or state of being.
|
|
Then they take
a deep breath in through their nose & let it out & a look of
contentment settles on their face
|
The system is at
rest, at peace, with a feeling of contentment.
|
|
Then they look
down and to the left |
Looking down and to
the left is the classic “talking to myself” eye-accessing cue for
right-handed people.
|
The
unconscious mind has eloquently expressed the specific answer to the “what
do you want” question, but by the time the conscious mind has a conversation
with itself about it, it doesn’t make sense, so the person says “I don’t
know.”
Why
didn’t they just say “I want a sense of alignment & contentment”?
Well,
sometimes people will, but on other occasions, such an answer wouldn’t fit
with their beliefs about what it is appropriate to want (people often think
they want more typical “success” oriented stuff, eg. Money, jobs, cars,
houses etc).
If
you’re coming to the NLP Conference in London this weekend, I’ll be
demonstrating the idea that people will tell you everything you need to know
in the first minute, during my session on Saturday afternoon, The Magic
Minute: Your Key for Cracking the Unconscious Code
If you
can’t make it to the conference, we really focus on this stuff in depth
during
NLP Master Practitioner training, which starts in April 2008.
Why? Because this is where you find the real magic of NLP. At salad,
we want you to learn to do “the real thing” & get amazing results, not just
a bunch of techniques.
Our
line-up for
Master Prac this year is amazing, & includes me, Peter Freeth,
Neo-Ericksonian hypnotist Michael Watson & NLP Meta-Master Trainer Chris
Hall. Book right away to take advantage of your super-early-bird discount.
In the
weeks to come, we’ll be exploring how you can make sense of the "unconscious
code" people use, then influence them to make changes.
Have a great week!
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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