“There is no good nor
bad but thinking makes it so.”
- William Shakespeare
Last week, we started exploring the idea that humans are ‘meaning-makers’ –
the stories we tell ourselves about what situations mean give us a sense of
certainty & a basis for deciding what to think & do. In this article, I’ll
reveal a simple yet powerful tool you can use to transform the meaning of
past events, & make you more resourceful in the present & future.
In
the films “The Sixth Sense” and “Fight Club”, the audience is given some
information later on in the story which causes them to re-evaluate the
entire film up to that point. The meaning of many of the film’s previous
scenes changes completely in light of the new information.
As
we go through our lives, we encounter various situations, decide what they
mean, then base subsequent decisions & actions on the meaning we have made.
We don’t think & act based on the raw sensory data – we think & act on the
meaning we have made of the data. Just let that sink in for a moment…
We think & act on the meaning we have made of the data
The
experiences we have as we go through our lives don’t ‘mean’ anything – they
are neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’. The only meaning they have is the meaning we
each have given them. As we make meaning of each situation, that meaning
becomes a basis for future meaning-makings.
1) Choose a
stage or situation in your life that turned out alright in the long-run, but
at the time you felt worried, anxious or afraid. Make a note of it.
For
instance, at elementary school, I was small for my age & terrified of
getting beaten up.
2) Pretend that
the “younger-you” from that time is sitting in the room with you, & ask
him/her what that situation meant to them. If you like, you can pretend to
be that “younger-you” for a moment to find out “from the inside”.
In
my case, the 7-year old me decided it meant I had to make people like me, &
avoid upsetting people. I also decided that pain was something to be afraid
of.
3) Ask yourself
(the older, wiser you) whether that meaning still applies to you, taking
into account the broader perspective you have, & the fact that you have
survived whatever it was you were concerned about.
In
my case, while I’d learned some useful communication skills & the ability to
think on my feet, the meaning I’d made at age 7 no longer applied.
4) As you look
over your life, what are some of the events & realisations which, if they
had known about them at the time, would have made that younger-you feel more
resourceful? Make a note of them.
Here are some of the things that the 7-year-old me could have done with
knowing:
·
That I
would survive (at least into my 40s)
·
That pain
is worth avoiding, but it’s nothing to be afraid of
·
That
fighting is a learnable skill, & that it’s OK to defend yourself
·
That
bullies are cowards who are trying to make themselves feel big
·
That if
you stand up to bullies, it may hurt at first but they’ll eventually leave
you alone (I didn’t discover this valuable lesson until I was in my teens)
NB.
I am not an expert on bullying & am not offering this as a strategy for
people who are currently being bullied. If you or someone you know is being
bullied, please seek out expert advice on the subject.
5) Communicate
these discoveries to that younger-you (you can even pretend to be that
younger-you & receive the messages from your older, wiser self). Ask that
younger-you if there’s anything else they need – if there is, find a way to
give it to them.
Notice & accept any thoughts, feelings & sensations as you communicate with
that younger you.
6) Also let that
younger-you know that you love them, & that you believe in them – that they
matter. Here are some other “good messages” you can communicate to that
younger-you.
·
You’re
important – you matter
·
You have a
right to be here – you belong
·
You’re
here for a reason – there’s a purpose for your life
·
Your
opinion counts
·
You’re
valuable – you don’t have to “do anything” to make yourself valuable
You
can say these messages, or just imagine the ideas being communicated with a
burst of stardust, golden light, or any other imagery that works for you.
(Thanks to Robert Dilts for these “positive sponsorship” messages)
7) Invite that
younger you to go through life all over again with those resources in place
(this can happen quickly, taking only a few seconds), noticing how their
experience of events has changed with those resources in place.
8) You may
notice a sense of greater resourcefulness as you emerge from this process.
You might like to imagine some of the future situations where this
resourcefulness will be useful to you. Imagine experiencing several of those
before you return to the present & allow all these ideas of yourself to
finish integrating for now.
Bear in mind that the re-coding in “The Sixth Sense” and “Fight Club”
doesn’t take any effort – your mind does it automatically once the new
information is revealed!
As
you sleep & dream, you can allow this process of integration to continue as
you look forward to discovering how these new learnings can surprise &
delight you in the days, weeks & months to come!
Best
wishes
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are
welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and
continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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