Last week we played with changing frame size as a way of changing meaning to
create greater resourcefulness & perspective. There’s a connection between
meaning & the way you feel about things. In this article, I’ll show you some
weird questions that can transform the way you feel about problems, worries
or fears.
Practitioners of “The Options Method” have a very interesting view about
negative feelings. The idea is that the only reason people feel bad about
things is because they think they’re supposed to. In general, when people
feel bad about something, it’s because they think something along the lines
of:
· feeling
bad about the thing means they’re a good person, or
· feeling
bad about the thing will motivate them to sort it out
· feeling
bad about the thing is their punishment for being bad in some way
The
approach we’re exploring here challenges those beliefs.
1. Make a list
of some concerns, things that may have been bothering you until now. This
can include changes you may have found difficult to make, problems you
haven’t been able to solve, even “limiting” beliefs or “negative” feelings.
For
instance, a person’s list might read something like this:
-
I’m angry at Bob because he was rude to me in front of my boss
- I
want to get fit, but haven’t seemed able to motivate myself to go to the gym
-
I’m in debt, & I’m worried about it
-
I’m afraid of public-speaking, & I have to make a presentation at work
2. Next, ask
yourself how you feel about each item on the list, & make a note of it.
For
example…
|
Concern |
Feeling |
|
I’m angry at Bob
because he was rude to me in front of my boss.
|
Angry |
|
I want to get
fit, but I don’t seem to be able to motivate myself to go to the
gym.
|
Depressed &
frustrated |
|
I’m in debt, &
I’m worried about it.
|
Worried |
|
I’m afraid of
public-speaking, & I have to make a presentation at work.
|
Stressed |
3. Ask yourself
“What connects all of these? What are all these concerns examples of?” Come
up with a label, a name for this set of concerns, & make a note of it.
(For my examples above, possible labels might be “Expectations” or “State
Control”.)
4. Choose one of
the concerns from the list, & brainstorm your answers to the following
questions, making a note of your responses.
a.
What would it mean if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue]
For
example:
|
Issue |
Feeling / State |
What would it
mean if I did not feel worried about being in debt? |
|
I’m in debt, &
I’m worried about it.
|
Worried |
· It
would mean that I won’t be motivated to get out of debt
· It
would mean that I’m irresponsible
· It
would mean that I’m going to end up on the street
|
b.
What would it mean about ME if I did not feel [feeling / state] about
[issue]
c.
What would it mean about THE WORLD if I did not feel [feeling / state]
about [issue]
d.
What would it mean about THIS ISSUE if I did not feel [feeling / state]
about [issue]
e.
What would it mean about THIS FEELING if I did not feel [feeling / state]
about [issue]
f.
Who would I BE if I did not feel [feeling / state] about [issue]
As
you look at the list of possible meanings you’ve come up with, you might
like to remind yourself that you’ve made these up. They’re not actually
‘true’ per se – they’re merely stories that you’ve been telling yourself
until now. And isn’t it nice to know that the fact that you’ve made up these
stories means that you can make up new, more empowering stories?
5. As you look
over the list of possible meanings that you’ve made, ask yourself “What else
could this
mean?”
|
Issue |
Feeling / State |
What else could
this mean? |
|
I’m in debt, &
I’m worried about it.
|
Worried |
· It
could mean that I trust that everything’s going to be OK.
· It
could mean that I understand that what you focus on increases, so my
priority is to start having good feelings about financial matters as
I get my spending under control.
|
6. Take a few
moments to allow your useful learnings & realisations from exploring this
particular issue to generalise to the other concerns you identified.
Have a
great week!
Best
wishes
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are
welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and
continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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