“If you bring forth
what is within you, what you bring forth will set you free. If you do not
bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy
you.”
Last week, we explored the
power of credibility to make your ideas sticky. We’ll pick up the
series on stickiness next week, but this week I wanted to talk about
something I consider to be incredibly important not only for the NLP
community, but for men & women all over the world. In this article, we’re
going to explore an incredibly powerful force that’s often misunderstood, &
gets (unfairly) blamed for many of the world’s problems.
Last week, I launched a new
training programme for men called
“Authentic Attraction with NLP”.
I expected to receive email from members of the Salad community about the
programme, but I was still surprised with many of the responses we got.
The gist of many of the
emails was “I am shocked to see a company like Salad teaching men how to
manipulate women for their selfish purposes.”
The reason this surprised
me was that my purpose is precisely the opposite: to help men
activate their mature masculine energies, & to behave responsibly &
purposefully in a way that other people (including women!) find attractive.
Men, women, sexuality &
relationships are such powerful subjects that it’s time I threw my hat into
the ring. So here are some ideas. I want to preface this by saying that I
believe:
a) That men & women
are equal
b) That men & women
are not the same
The following are all
generalisations, but they seem to hold true in many situations:
1. A quick survey
of women’s magazines, literature & popular culture raises a common chorus –
“Where have all the real men gone?” In general, women tend to be
attracted to masculine qualities, just as men tend to be attracted to
feminine qualities.
2. Most men in
modern Western society have been taught that many of those masculine
qualities are “bad” and “wrong”, so they hide their masculine energy &
desires from women. Of course, the “shadow” of these desires show up in the
form of the soft-porn imagery used to sell everything from beer to
newspapers.
3. Men are not
alone in this. Romance novels are the world’s biggest-selling form of
literature. A quick look at the heroes of these novels shows many of the
qualities that many women crave: leadership, strength, risk-taking,
sensuality, passion, courage, emotional open-ness, confidence, purpose,
authenticity, awareness etc.
4. Men & women both
have a mixture of masculine & feminine energies & qualities. In general,
polarities attract. The more someone expresses their masculine energy, the
more they will tend to attract people who are expressing feminine energy &
vice-versa.
5. In virtually all
tribes, civilizations & societies throughout history, ritual processes have
been developed in order to support boys in their development to manhood
(this often took place at around age 13). Boys grew up alongside men & had
role models of mature masculinity.
6. In Western
society since the industrial revolution, fathers have left their sons & gone
to the factory and the office. Our boys are raised by women, in the home, in
schools & elsewhere. There are more single mums than ever doing an amazing
job of raising their boys in difficult circumstances (often as a result of
having been abandoned emotionally or literally by immature “boy-men”). Women
have many wonderful qualities to teach boys, but mature masculinity is not a
gift women are able to give, no matter how much they might want to give it.
7. At a certain
point in their lives (usually in their early teens), boys start getting
access to their own masculine energy. If that energy is accepted and
utilised in positive ways, the boy makes the journey to manhood. If not, the
energy finds expression in less positive ways, & we are left with “a boy in
a man’s body”.
8. Statistics show
that young men are the highest risk group for death by violence, drugs,
suicide etc. One way of looking at this is that this is a response to
Western culture’s lack of the processes that can transform boys into men.
9. Many of the
problems of the world (wars, violence, abuse etc) are blamed on men, but I
think this is an over-simplification. It seems that the problem could in
fact be down to masculine energy that hasn’t been accepted, nurtured &
developed in positive ways.
10. Tribes, cultures
& societies throughout history have developed ritual processes for
transforming raw masculine energy into mature masculinity. Western society
does not have these processes, but desperately needs them. It is time to
start creating ritual processes that make the journey to mature masculinity
an attractive one.
And what does all this have
to do with NLP?
One way of thinking about
“symptoms” is as an expression of resources that aren’t yet ready for
“prime-time” (to use Stephen Gilligan’s metaphor). In order to transform
them, you need two things (according to John Grinder):
a)
Congruence
b)
A ritual
It’s my belief that
masculine energy is an incredibly powerful resource, & it needs to be
transformed before it will be ready for “prime-time”. NLP offers a variety
of techniques (ie. rituals) for accomplishing this. If you doubt that
Western society needs this like never before, just open any newspaper.
What do I mean by “make
the journey to mature masculinity an attractive one”?
The Men’s Movement has
accomplished important things, but most men aren’t attracted by it. If
modern marketing has taught us one thing, it’s that if you want to get
people to do something, you need to appeal to their emotions with powerful
benefits.
In my case, the thing that
motivated me to go on this journey was the desire to sort out my love life
following my divorce 3 years ago. Funnily enough, when I was 12 years old, I
started learning to play the guitar in the hopes that it would attract
girls. That’s what I came to it for, but what I got was mastery of a
beautiful musical instrument & a lifelong love of music.
One thing seems very clear
to me: women play an incredibly important role in mens’ lives. There are
huge numbers of men in Western society who feel a deep sense of grief about
their inability to have the experiences with women they desire. Their
masculine energies give them powerful motivation, but society tells them
they shouldn’t feel it. It’s time to harness & direct that energy, so it can
be directed in positive, responsible ways.
My new programme
“Authentic Attraction with NLP”
is part of my life’s purpose, & something I’m incredibly excited about.
Imagine discovering that there’s a “you” that you never even knew existed,
but that’s been trying to get your attention for years. Better yet, imagine
that this “you” has access to a source of power & energy that can transform
your life & help you get the kind of results in every area that you’ve only
dreamed of! Best of all, imagine that this is “the real you”, a you that is
honest, authentic, & connects with your deepest values. If you’re ready to
start experiencing the love-life you desire, be one of the only people this
year to experience
“Authentic Attraction with NLP”.
I look forward to meeting “the real you”!
By the way – I know this is
an emotive subject. The opinions I’m expressing here are just that –
opinions. This is the best map of the world that I have managed to develop
so far for making sense of this important area.
Please feel free to email
me if this has sparked a strong response in you (or if you have comments you
wish to make on this material). I’m genuinely interested.
Have a
great week,
Best
wishes
Your friend
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are
welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and
continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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