Last
week we started exploring beliefs with the idea that beliefs are perceptions
that we’ve learned. This week we’re going to look at the built-in survival
mechanism that all beliefs carry with them. Specifically, I’m going to
reveal some keys to working effectively with beliefs.
I once
saw a movie where some post-war adventurers landed their boat on a desert
island. As they pulled their dinghy up the beach, bullets started
ricocheting off the bow. As the plot unfolded, it emerged that the bullets
were being fired by a sniper who’d been stationed there during the war. The
war was over; peace had been declared & the treaties had been signed, but
no-one told the sniper. He was still following his original mission, to
defend the beach.
This
is kind of how I think of “limiting” beliefs. As well as often having a
mission to protect their “host”, they are self-protective. If you want to
change beliefs (whether your own or someone else’s) it’s useful to know how
to deal with this “self-protective” mechanism. Here are some tips:
a)
Recognise that beliefs are self-protective & survival-oriented.
When it comes to my own beliefs, I find it useful to acknowledge that
there’s a level on which my belief wants to “survive” for its own reasons,
above & beyond any intention it might have for me.
b)
Establish & maintain rapport. Use all your NLP & interpersonal skills to get rapport, (Eg.
matching & mirroring, practicing acceptance, borrowing gestures & keywords).
c)
Use softeners.
While information-gathering can be essential for belief-change, questions
can be intrusive unless you soften them. Phrases such as “I’m wondering…”
and “I’m curious to know…” are good examples.
d)
Discover the positive intention of the belief.
Every belief has a positive intention, something it’s been trying to do for
its host. You can ask yourself or another person “What has this belief been
trying to do for you until now?” When you let the belief know that its
positive intention is being acknowledged & honoured, you’re much less likely
to get resistance.
e)
Be present, aware & alert for defensiveness.
It’s always good to be
highly present & aware when doing NLP changework, but when you’re working
with beliefs, you need to be particularly alert for defensiveness.
Defensiveness is a sign that the belief’s self-protection mechanisms are
kicking in, & makes the belief even more entrenched & difficult to change.
In this case, pause, accept the person as they are, & re-establish rapport.
So
with that in mind, look back over your list of “limiting beliefs” from last
week (if you don’t have that list, here’s how you make one: Make a list of
beliefs you’ve been perceiving as limitations until now, then ask yourself
“What is it that all these beliefs have in common?”)
1) Choose one of
the beliefs, & ask yourself “What is the positive intention of this belief?
What purpose has it been trying to serve? What gift has this belief been
trying to give me?”
Sometimes you’ll get an answer right away that makes sense, for instance:
·
To protect
you & keep you safe
·
To stop you
making a mistake
·
To stop other
people hurting you
Sometimes you need to dig a bit. For instance, you might have an exchange
like this:
A: I can’t do public speaking. Whenever I do I get all
tongue-tied.
B: What is the
positive intention of this belief? What purpose has it been trying to serve?
What gift has this belief been trying to give you?
A: To keep me from expressing who I am.
B: To keep you from
expressing who you are. And what’s the positive intention of that?
A: So that my family don’t get cross at me for showing off.
They accept
me.
2) Say “thank-you” to the belief for the purpose it’s been
serving.
Experiment with this over the next week, & notice how beliefs which you used
to perceive as limiting you begin to relax & open.
Last
weekend, we did extreme belief-change work on my new programme
“Authentic Attraction with NLP”.
This men only programme was such a huge success that I’ve been
inspired to run it again in two months’ time. Check out the amazing video
testimonials from men whose lives have been transformed
here
There
are only a limited number places on that programme, & I’ve put the price up
by £300, but you can still get your place at the introductory rate if you
book before 11 July & save £300. So if you want to experience
transformational belief change for yourself, & take your experiences with
women & with life in general to the next level, book your place immediately
online or by calling the Salad booking hotline on
0845 650 1045.
Have a
great week,,
Best
wishes
Your friend
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are
welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and
continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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