Last
week, we explored the liberating idea that people can always do (on some
level) what they say they can’t. This week we’re going to investigate the
deeper structure of beliefs, & how they take form in the human body-mind. In
this article, I’m going to give you a set of linguistic tools you can use to
get a handle on the structure of a “limiting” belief, and start transforming
it into something more empowering.
Just
to recap the last few weeks’ tips on “limiting” beliefs:
a)
Beliefs are perceptions, as well as being valuable resources. There are no limiting
beliefs – merely beliefs a person has been perceiving as limiting them until
now.
b)
Beliefs are self-protective & survival-oriented &. Acknowledge the positive intention of
the belief & ensure that you establish & maintain rapport. If the person
you’re working with gets defensive, stop what you’re doing & re-establish
rapport.
c)
People can always do what they say they can’t
(at least on some level). This means a) that you can believe in their
potential to move beyond this belief and b) that you don’t have to need them
to change / convince them etc.
On
last weekend’s
Authentic Attraction with NLP
programme, I was introducing a segment on sleight of mouth, a set of NLP
tools for conversational belief change. I had an exchange with one of the
demo subjects that went something like this:
Man: I can’t be myself when I’m talking to women.
Jamie: Why is it like that?
Man: I’ve never been able to talk to girls, even when I was at
school.
Jamie: How do you know that’s true, as you sit here right
now?
Man: (Eyes flick up & to his left, then down to his right)
Experience.
Jamie: Sure, you’ve had
some experiences. But as you sit here right now, how do you know that it’s
true?
Man: I feel anxious. I can’t switch it on & be myself.
Beliefs tend to have a number of components: a linguistic structure, a
state, & some internal representations such as images, sounds etc. Going for
the linguistic structure is a great “way in” to the other stuff. Here are
the questions I like to use when some states an “I can’t…”:
Question 1) Why is it like that?
This
invites the person to tell you their story about the belief. This can reveal
important parts of how they make it “real” in their minds.
Question 2) How do you know that’s true, as you sit here
right now?
This
asks people for the process of how they know it to be true. When you ask
this question, they have to run through their internal process of believing
before they can answer.
1) For some “I
can’t” that has relevance to you, ask yourself “Why is it like that?” &
write down your answer.
This
will give you some more linguistic information, but also pay attention to
your internal experience. You see, beliefs are anchored in our other sense
too.
2) Ask yourself
“How do I know that’s true, as I sit here right now?” & write down your
answer.
Once
again, pay attention to your internal experience as well as your verbal
answers.
People
like reasons for things; it gives us a sense of certainty. As a result,
people will often use reasons (causes) to support their beliefs. In fact ‘A
causes B’ is one of the main ways beliefs show up in language (the other
main way is ‘A means B’)
Once
you’ve asked the two questions above, map your belief as either an ‘A means
B’ or an ‘A causes B’ & make a note of it. Here are some examples:
- I
can’t stop smoking BECAUSE whenever I’ve stopped I’ve started
again.
- I
can’t ride a bicycle BECAUSE I’ve got no sense of balance.
-
I’m tone deaf MEANS I can’t sing
- I
feel anxious when I talk to more than 3 people MEANS I can’t
speak to a group
Just
going through this process will start to loosen the belief.
As it
happened, the man on the course gave us the answer to the whole piece when
he said “I can’t switch it on & be myself.”
My
approach is to take people literally, & he was telling us that he couldn’t
“switch it on” AND “be himself” – it was one or the other. The rest of my
efforts went towards finding out what happened when he didn’t “switch it on”
& just allowed himself to “be himself” when he spoke to women.
The
results were profound & transformational! He spent all of Saturday night
having fun, authentic conversations with a variety of women he felt
attracted to, & wouldn’t previously have been able to talk to.
A
few weeks ago, we did extreme belief-change
work on my new programme
“Authentic Attraction with NLP”.
This men only programme was such a huge success that I’ve been
inspired to run it again in two months’ time, from 8th - 10th August. Check out the amazing video
testimonials from men whose lives have been transformed
here
There
are only a limited number places on that programme, & I’ve put the price up
by £300, but you can still get your place at the introductory rate if you
book before 11 July & save £300. So if you want to experience
transformational belief change for yourself, & take your experiences with
women & with life in general to the next level, book your place immediately
online or by calling the Salad booking hotline on
0845 650 1045.
More
belief-change tips next week.
Best
wishes
Your friend
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are
welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and
continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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