Last
week we had a look at the 'lizard brain', & how changes to your framing can
influence how you respond to 'negative' situations. In this week's article,
I'm going to let you in on a little known secret: the identity of some of
the most addictive substances on the planet, & how you can avoid getting
hooked on them accidentally.
When I first started Salad, I used to get semi-depressed from time to time.
Business was not going as well as I wanted it to, & I would take it to
heart. Then one day, my then-wife Katy said something that made me very
angry: she said "You're hooked on the feeling of being unhappy." I told her
why that was a ridiculous suggestion, then actually gave it some thought. It
turns out she was right.
Human emotions are the most addictive substances there are. And it's
understandable - there are some feelings that are so delicious that if
people get even a taste of them, they'll jump through hoops to experience
them again (think love, peace, joy, ecstasy etc).
But the strangest thing of all is that some of the most addictive emotions
aren't even ones that feel 'good'. Here are some of the unexpected emotions
/ feeling states that people experience as addictive:
- Anger
- Rage
- Worry
- Anxiety
- Guilt
|
- Struggle
- Trying
- Hopelessness
-
Worthlessness
|
- Lack
- Grief
- Depression
- Resentment
|
And why
are these seemingly negative emotions so addictive? Because of the 'payoff'
they give. Here are some of the potential payoffs:
-
Familiarity (people like what's familiar)
-
Significance (it can feel important when something feels very bad)
-
Drama / excitement (this feels important too, & really gets the blood
pumping)
-
Love / nurture (some people only get attention from others when they're
feeling bad)
In my
case, it was familiarity. I was so used to feeling that low-level depression
that I missed it if I went too long without it.
Of course, all this was happening unconsciously. But once you know what's
going on, everything can change.
One of my 'operating principles' is that people are always getting what they
want, at least on some level. While this may not be 'true', it can be a
useful frame for figuring out what's been going on until now. Here's how it
works:
1) Choose some problem you've been trying to solve, change you've been
trying to make or goal you've been trying to achieve, but it just hasn't
been working out until now.
2) Apply the "People are always getting what they want" frame, as follows.
Ask yourself "If this situation was actually an example of me getting what I
want, how could I make sense of that?"
When I've done this in the past, here are some of the ways I've looked at
making sense of it:
-
Have I been afraid of letting go of the past?
-
Have I been scared to move forward with my life?
-
Have I been fearing the unknown?
-
Have I been worried that I'll lose something if I solve this?
-
Have I been concerned that something bad will happen if I get this?
-
Am
I concerned it will mean something bad about me if I achieve this?
If the
questions above haven't revealed a compelling answer to you, ask yourself
this: Could I be hooked on the feeling of not-solving / not-changing /
not-getting this?
Remember, emotions are the most addictive chemicals there are. If you've
been hooked on the feeling of "not-", now may be an opportunity to let go of
that. Here's how. Whenever you notice the feeling of "not-", say "thank-you"
to it, then turn your attention to how you'll feel when you've got what you
want.
By the way, this emotional stuff is very influential in many areas of our
lives, especially when it comes to attracting women. So, who do you know who
wants to have more of the experiences they desire with women?
From 8th to 10th August, from Friday to Sunday, I'll be running a programme
to help men become far more attractive to the women you desire, called
Authentic Attraction with NLP.
There are just 10 places left
on this programme, so ring 0845 650 1045 to reserve your place
now, or go to our website
here
to learn more.
(in fact, check out the video testimonials from guys who came on the
programme last time!)
Have a
great week.
Best
wishes
Your friend
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
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continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
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