Last week we looked at some of the most addictive chemicals on the planet –
emotions. This week we're going to explore one of the main ways people
accidentally rob their lives of happiness, adventure, freedom, success & a
myriad of other things they desire. In this article, I'm going to let you in
on a discovery that changed my life, & may change yours.
Last year, I decided that I wanted to have a massage every week for the rest
of my life. I've got an amazing masseuse (Anna) who comes round to my house
each week & pummels me for an hour. And from time to time, I get treatments
from other people who are recommended to me. Recently, I was receiving
Kahuna massage (a traditional Hawaiian healing process) from Kathryn (also
amazing). I'd had it once before, & it was incredibly powerful, but this
time I noticed that the masseuse wasn't working my muscles as hard as
before. Normally, I would mention this, but I decided to just go with it,
when all of a sudden, I heard a voice.
The
voice was mine – I heard myself rehearsing a conversation in my head,
between me & Kathryn, where I was telling her that the massage hadn't been
as good as the last one, & hadn't been as powerful as I'd hoped.
I was planning to be disappointed!
The
funny thing was, I recognised this process as one I'd been using constantly
for as long as I could remember, but this was the first time I'd become
consciously aware of it.
Instantly, I knew what the impact of this would be. By mentally rehearsing
the disappointment, I was ensuring I would be disappointed. You can think of
the mind as having two aspects – a thinker & a prover. The thinker can think
whatever it likes, while the prover sorts & filters all incoming data to
prove the thinker to be correct. Over time, your reality comes into line
with what you've been expecting.
As
I thought about the number of other areas in my life where I'd been doing
this (expecting disappointment), I was simultaneously downhearted & excited.
Downhearted
because of all the times I'd robbed myself of positive outcomes by planning
for disappointment.
Excited
because I'd discovered a powerful process to use to increase my success in
every area of my life.
You
see, from an NLP perspective, every behaviour has a positive intention & is
a resource that's useful in some context. What I'd discovered was a powerful
process I could already do elegantly, automatically & unconsciously that had
some key steps:
1)
Think that
something may not turn out well.
2)
Imagine
myself in the future having a conversation with someone explaining how & why
it hasn't turned out well.
3)
Adjust my
behaviours & expectations accordingly.
My
sense is that the positive intention of this was actually to avoid
feeling disappointed, but in the process, I was actually creating the
circumstances that would lead to disappointment. Crazy huh!
So
why was I excited? Because I knew instantly that this process would work
just as well whatever data I put in it.
Right away, I imagined having a conversation with Kathryn, telling her how
brilliantly the session had gone, & explaining that it had been one of the
most powerful transformational experiences of my life.
Guess what? IT WAS!
Ever since then, I've been alert to my “future-paced conversations” and
noticing if they're managing disappointment. When I notice it, I replace it
with “well-appointment” - my term for planning to be happy, satisfied & feel
good.
Of
course, it won't be long before this is an entirely automatic process.
Hooray! The funny thing is, I've often heard Richard Bandler (co-developer
of NLP) say that disappointment requires adequate planning. I always thought
that meant that was an invitation to release all expectations (& maybe it
was). But I've discovered how I was planning to BE disappointed. Ooops!
1)
Have you
been “preparing yourself” for disappointment, maybe as a way to avoid
feeling bad if things don't turn out the way you want?
2)
Get into a
relaxed state, & tune into how you've been doing it. Have you been making
mental images? Having conversations in your mind? Feeling certain feelings?
Start exploring how you have been doing this.
3)
Find out
what happens when you go for “well-appointment” instead. Imagine positive
outcomes. Imagine happy conversations. Feel good!
4)
Imagine
yourself thinking in this new way in the days, weeks & months to come.
Hint: If you don't think this will work for you, stop for a moment. That
thought (this isn't going to work for me) may just have been your first step
in the disappointment process. Just for fun, find out what happens when you
expect it to work well for you!
By
the way, I've launched a free 20 minute training video & 16-page special
report at
www.nlpbeliefchange.com
where I reveal some of my most powerful tools for getting what you want &
developing your skills (as well as powerful language patterns I've never
shared before). We've already had over 200 comments on the blog (& we only
launched it last week!) so go and check out
www.nlpbeliefchange.com
to discover just what's got everyone so excited.
Have a
great week.
Best
wishes
Your friend
Jamie
Jamie Smart
director of training
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends,
family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. You are
welcome to reprint it (with copyright and subscription information) and
continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments,
criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk
Only 3
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