This Week's Tip...
The NLP Technique Turbocharger

Last week we explored one of the keys to abundance, the idea that you are already whole & complete. This week, we're going to look at a way to optimise NLP techniques, whether you're working with clients, or using NLP in your everyday life. In this article, you're going to discover a powerful yet counterintuitive mindset that can literally transform the results you get.

A few months ago, I was in a bar waiting for some friends, when I got a call from them saying the bouncer wouldn't let them in because one of them was wearing trainers. They'd been arguing with him for 5 minutes, but he refused to let them in. I said to myself “Unconscious mind, do your stuff” & walked to the door. My mindset was one of having fun, & finding out what was possible. When I got to the door, I got the bouncer's attention, then said 25 words to him. He looked from me to my friends, then said “OK, you can come in, but just this once.”

I was telling this story to a group of hypnotherapists & NLPers last night, & they were eager to know what the 26 words were, but I pointed out that, in my opinion, the words were only part of the story. The other (possibly more important) part of the story was my state of mind.

Desperation Stinks

People have a built-in neediness detector. We intuitively know that the more someone wants / needs us to do something, the less likely they are to be focused on our best interests. As they say in Hollywood, “desperation stinks”. One of the unexpected places this can show up is in the relationship between coaches / therapists / consultants and their clients.

If a coach “needs” their client to change / succeed / reach their goals in order to meet the coach's needs, then they may well trigger their client's “neediness detector”, & (perversely) hamper their client's progress.

So why might a coach / therapist / consultant “need” a client to change?

• So they can feel good about themselves & their coaching ability
   
• So they can ensure the client keeps paying them
   
• So they have good success stories to tell their cronies

I discovered this from my own experience, when I first started learning NLP. Every time I learned a new technique, I would look around for someone who'd be willing to “hold still while I changed them”. I was eager to practice & develop my skills (very good) & wanted to get a sense of validation from the people I helped (not so good). I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting the quality of results I expected.

So what can you do about it?

1. Think of a situation involving another person where you'd really like things to turn out a certain way. Get in touch with any feelings of “wanting” it to turn out that way.
    

2. The sense of wanting is often physicalised, so you may be able to sense it in your body. Notice where it is, & any qualities such as colour, size, shape, temperature, movement etc.
    

3. Say “Thank-you” to those feelings, then remind yourself that everything will be OK, whether things go the way you want them to or not.

Saying “thank-you” to feelings & thoughts is a powerful tool. I've extended it to the point where I say “thank-you” to everything. You see, everything in life is connected, so even things which seem like curses today can turn into blessings tomorrow. The energy of gratitude is a great way of encouraging that to happen.

4. If there are feelings connected to “not wanting” things to turn out some way, get in touch with those feelings & go through steps 2 & 3 for them too.
    

5. Say “I am accepting myself as I am now”, & notice any thoughts or feelings which come up. Say thank-you to them. Say this 3 times, over a couple of minutes. Don't rush it – feelings move more slowly than words & pictures – give them time & space to come up, & keep breathing throughout.

Accepting yourself & the other person exactly as you are, without needing anything from them or the situation, puts you in an incredibly powerful place for doing any technique, negotiation, influencing etc.

This is what I did with the bouncer. Then I said “Hey! I know it's not negotiable, but what would have to happen for you to let them in anyway, because we're having a party inside...”

I'll unpack the words for you another time, but remember – I didn't mind what happened. I was unattached to outcome. This was a big part of the power of the approach.

Thanks as ever for your attention.

Have a great week!

To your success!

 
Your friend

Jamie

Jamie Smart

Jamie Smart
CEO
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk

jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk