Last week we looked at the business secret most women know & most men don't, asking for help. This week we're going to explore an error that I still sometimes make, but that it's always enjoyable to correct. In this article, I'm going to share an often-overlooked secret to connecting with people.

A few years ago, I held a one-day event in London for 75 people called Success On Your Own Terms. I was both excited & nervous, because I wanted to have a group of 75 people (I was afraid of speaking to groups larger than about 20), & I had guest speakers, a film crew, an expensive venue etc. So I spent the best part of a day creating a super-charged NLP-laden email to seduce people into coming to the event.

The email fell flat. Only a handful of people signed up. So I went back to the drawing board. I threw away the first email, & wrote one from the heart. I explained that I was afraid of speaking to big groups & had organised this big event & I'd love to have a roomful of people, & I promised to give them a great experience if they came.

The event filled up. We had a great day, & I got a standing ovation (though in fairness, I asked them for one at the start of the day, so everyone knew what was expected :-))

The mistake I'd made in the first email was being inauthentic. I'd substituted being slick for being real.


1) Identify somewhere in your life where you've been trying to
    create a specific impression, attempting to impress.

There are a variety of places where I can fall into the trap of trying to impress – when I'm in a group of peers, meeting someone I have a romantic interest in, even when I'm training (though only once in a while, these days).


2) Ask yourself “What would I do or say if I wasn't bothered with
    what the other person thinks of me?”

In my work as a trainer, this was a real turning point for me. In the late 90s, the NLP field sometimes seemed to be full of people addicted to excellence. While I'm all in favour of excellence, there are a number of areas in my life where I fall well short of it. I decided to take the risk of mentioning this in my training courses, in my NLP tips, & on my audio products. People seem to like it. Why?

Because you can connect with someone who's being real.


3) Do or say that (your answer from 2).

Obviously, use your calibration skills & your natural intelligence. If you think that your boss is as much use as a chocolate envelope, telling him so might be a career-limiting move (to say the least). Practice in “low-risk” situations then move outwards.


These days, I do my best to be myself in all situations (except when not), & the funny thing is that other people tend to like it!
By the way, we're still getting a great response to our NLP Belief Buster cards. And when you get your deck now, you can get a trial subscription to the NLP Monthly Mastery series (first month free). You can get the NLP Belief-buster cards & your free trial subscription to the NLP Monthly Mastery Series here

Have a great weekk

To your success!

Your friend

Jamie

Jamie Smart

Jamie Smart
CEO
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk

jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk