Last week we played with the power of authenticity – being yourself! This week, I'm going to reveal the biggest mistake of all, the one that I made for years, & that still nips me from time to time. In this article, you're going to discover one of the biggest, most insidious & soul-sucking traps there is, & some ways you can avoid it.

I love twitter & follow lots of interesting people (I'm @jsmart999 if you want to follow me). One of my fellow tweeters is @stevepavlina, who recently tweeted this:

If a goal doesn't change your present reality for the better, it's a lame goal. Set goals that create an immediate shift, not a future one.

I sure could have used this advice when I first started learning NLP. When I was introduced to the idea of goal-setting, I became obsessed with the idea of creating a future that contained all that I perceived my life to lack at that time. And while that was useful on one level, there was a level on which it was a dangerous lie, because it was based on a dangerous presupposition...

The idea that “there” is better than “here”

Why is this such a dangerous idea?

Well, on one level it's not. If you're in a burning building & you decide to leave it for the safety of the pavement, then there (the pavement) is almost certainly better than here (the burning building). However...

Most goals don't relate to that kind of urgent, life-threatening situation. Many of the goals I see people set are of the “I'll be happy when” type, & they have the following structure:

I lack (quality), but if I (goal), then I'll feel (quality).

Here are some example qualities & goals:

In my case, one of my core values is freedom. Owning my own business is an expression of that core value. But... when I first started the business, I was trying to get somewhere (I'll feel free when my business is successful). Where's the trap? Here...

When you're trying to get somewhere, it means you're not there already, so if you're already there, you have to pretend you're not.

In order to say “I'll have freedom once my business reaches such & such level”, I had to pretend that I didn't have that freedom now. But the reality is, I had the freedom to take the kind of holidays & travel I enjoy YEARS before I actually took them.

Why? Because I was pretending I didn't have the freedom so I could keep using it as the carrot to dangle in front of myself & keep myself working hard.

Oops! So what can you do about this?

1)  Choose somewhere you've been trying to get to, some goal
     or distant dream. Ask yourself “Why is that important? What
     would that give me?”

You may have to ask this several times, for instance:

Goal: To start my own business

What would that give me? The ability to do what I love doing.

What would the ability to do what I love doing give me? Joy & enthusiasm

What would joy & enthusiasm give me? Peace

2)  Note whatever qualities emerge (values like peace, freedom,
     happiness, security, love etc). Then sit quietly & say “I am
     accepting myself as I am now” & notice any thoughts or
     feelings that arise. Say “thank-you” to them.

Trying to get somewhere is based on the idea that there is better than here, & that there will give me access to feelings I can't feel here. You already “contain” all those qualities, values & feelings. You are already whole, perfect & complete. By all means, set goals that inspire you to create something wonderful, but know all the while that you already have all those feelings inside you.

3)  Sit for a few minutes, & say “I am <quality>” & accept
     whatever thoughts & feelings arise.

As my friend Michael Neill says...

"Unhappy people want what they want in order to make them happy. Happy people just want what they want.”

By the way, we're advance-launching our new NLP Technique Masterclass DVDs next week, but there's a hitch – we're only launching them to people who have bought the audios (then we're deducting the price of the audios from the DVDs). So... if you want to get access to the  NLP Technique Masterclass DVDs months before anyone else, along with some amazing bonuses, grab the NLP Techniques audios right away.

Grab the NLP Techniques audio MP3s here

Grab the NLP Techniques audio CDs here

Have a great weekk

To your success!

Your friend

Jamie

Jamie Smart

Jamie Smart
CEO
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk

jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk