Last week, we explored “Super Future-pacing”. This week I'm going to start giving you the inside track on how to make the NLP techniques you use work much more effectively. In this article, I'm going to explore something that's often talked about, but demonstrated less often – rapport.

I once had a chap sent to me for executive coaching. He arrived, looking a bit tense & uncomfortable. Here's how the session started:

Me: Hi. How are you doing?

Him: To be honest, I'm usually pretty sceptical about this sort of thing.

Me: Usually? (With a raised eyebrow)

Him: Well, you come very highly recommended.

Me: You should be sceptical.

Him: Why?

Me: Because until you've experienced for yourself just how powerful NLP can be, & seen the benefits in your own life, why would you have any reason to be otherwise?

Him: Oh! OK...

He visibly relaxed, & we had a great session. Why?

Rapport!

Rapport is one of those things human beings do naturally, & it's often characterised by a sense of warm comfort & connection (accompanied by synchronisation of movements, posture, gesture etc).

Rapport is also a key to getting the NLP techniques to work.

If you want to influence someone as a coach, a salesperson, a politician, a parent, a colleague or friend, rapport greases the wheels. But when people are taught rapport in NLP trainings, it's often taught as matching & mirroring, something you “do” to make rapport happen. But here's the thing: you can think of matching & mirroring as the effects of rapport. Yes, you can do them to “prime the pump” & get rapport flowing, but I think of rapport a little differently.

Rapport is about getting the attention of a person's unconscious mind, meeting them at their map of reality. It's about letting their unconscious mind know that you get where they're at.

Here are some tips for rapid rapport:

1)  Accept the other person exactly as they are. This is easier if you first accept yourself as you are.

Acceptance subtly communicates safety to the other person. Deep down, we all want to be accepted for who we really are. When you accept people, they can feel it.
 

2)  Detach from outcome. People have neediness detectors, & if you need them to do something, they push back. Get to the place where you don't need anything from them.

If you genuinely do need something from the other person, tell them. Be honest. Then it's not a hidden agenda, messing with your connection.
 

3)  You can use verbal rapport statements, such as pacing & leading.

Pace people by describing their existing reality, then lead them in the direction you want to take them. As you sit here reading this, you may be curious about how you can do this in the course of a single sentence...
 

4)  Create positive rapport double-binds.

In the example I used at the start of this article, the person said he was usually sceptical about this sort of thing (NLP & coaching). Most people would have tried to convince him that he shouldn't be sceptical, but I did the opposite. I told him that he SHOULD be sceptical, & that created a double-bind: Either he could do what I suggested (ie. be sceptical), in which case he was following my suggestions, & we were on the same team (positive result) or he could decide NOT to do what I suggested (ie. not be sceptical) in which case he would be open to my suggestions, & we'd be on the same team (positive result).
 

5)  Use rapport-stories

I'll often use stories to generate rapport with people. Which stories? Stories that they're going to be able to relate to, & that pace their experience.
 

6)  Mirroring language patterns, sensory language & keywords

Process can be more powerful than content, so I mirror people's language structures, metaprograms & sensory preferences. When people mark out certain criteria keywords (often words like confidence, peace, purpose etc), I'll also mirror those.
 

7)  Matching & mirroring gestures

Gestures are a very powerful form of body language, because they're symbolic – they represent something. So I mirror them. I usually mirror them exactly, borrowing the person's gesture & playing it back to them. But sometimes I'll do micro-gestures, doing a miniature playback of their gesture.
 

8)  Matching & mirroring body postures, facial expressions, energy levels etc

This is the stuff people often think of when it comes to rapport, but it's part of a much richer package.

Play with these different elements of rapport, & integrate them into your own skillset. As you do, you'll find it easier & easier to just connect with people.

Our Master Prac programme starts on April 17, so call the booking hotline on 0845 650 1045 to ensure you don't miss out.

Remember we offer a 1/3 discount to anyone who's already done Master Prac and wants to repeat it with Salad. If you want to develop a superb set of skills, & the kind of congruent confidence that gets results fast, book your place now.

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Have a great week

To your success!

Your friend

Jamie

Jamie Smart

Jamie Smart
CEO
jamie.smart@saladltd.co.uk