Jamie Smart’s NLP tip #21 

 Getting rapport on the phone, 28 May 2003

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I have a standing invitation to everyone who reads these NLP tips to ask me to write about what you want to learn more about. Nige Becford had the following question:

"I was wondering if you could go into how you guys generate rapport over the telephone. I have spoken before with NLP trainers and considering they are trying to sell me training, I have felt more at ease talking to them than I do with people I have known for years. It is fantastic and I'm not sure how exactly how it happens."

And the answer is… well, a bunch of things. First of all, I don’t know exactly what the people Nige has spoken to have been doing, but I do know that there are a number of things which will help you to get rapport, put people at ease and have more fluid, enjoyable telephone conversations.

The first thing is to know what you want with regard to a particular conversation, so…

1. With regard to some upcoming phone conversation, what do you want? And how will you know when you’ve got it?

   Having a clear idea of what direction you want to go in will allow you to get good feedback about whether or not you’re on track. Obviously, the amount of time you spend figuring out what you want with regard to a call will depend on how important the call is to you.

2. Get in a good state.

   I’ve heard Richard Bandler say repeatedly "If you want to get someone into a good state, go there first yourself." If you want other people to feel relaxed & at ease, make sure you feel relaxed & at ease. (For more information on state, see NLP Tip 18 - Choose your state.)

3. Establish rapport

Now, there are many ways to establish rapport. Some of the behavioural ways you can do this on the phone include the following:

• Talking at the same rate as the other person
• Modulating your voice tone so that it is similar to theirs
• Modulating voice pitch so it’s similar to theirs
• Using the same sensory words as them (see Tip 6 - How to really speak their language)
• Talking at the rate they’re breathing

Personally, I find it difficult to breathe at the same rate as someone else if they’re talking. I do, however, like talking at the same rate that someone is breathing. How do you know what rate they’re breathing at?

1. Listen to them talk (if they’re talking, they’re breathing out.)
2. Listen to them breathe

Can you hear someone breathe over the phone? Sure, if you listen.

1. Make a mental image of the person

   Another trick of the trade is to make a mental image of the person you are speaking to. See the expressions on their face, notice how they respond to what you say. And whatever you do, start by pretending / believing that the call is going to have a positive result for you both.

2. Be curious about & interested in the other person

Of all the points, this is one of the most powerful. Some of the most powerful messages you can give to someone are "I am interested in you", "I care about your wellbeing" and "You are important to me." And the quickest way to get these ideas across in your communication is to mean it. When you mean it, you come across congruently, and the communication can flow.

Sometimes, people get so caught up in the technology of rapport (matching eyeblinks etc) that they don’t remember what it’s about: connecting with another human being. The behavioural elements of rapport are just a way to allow that connection to emerge more rapidly.

This week, we’re talking about ways to establish rapport over the phone.

1. With regard to some upcoming phone conversation, what do you want? And how will you know when you’ve got it?
2. Get in a good state
3. Establish rapport
4. Make a mental image of the person
5. Be curious about & interested in the other person

Next time, we’ll look at some specific exercises to stretch your vocal flexibility. Until then, have fun & make someone else feel good J

best wishes,

jamie

PS. How would you like to learn NLP in a small group training where you get 1:1 attention from me? On our 1-day Introduction to NLP you’ll get the opportunity to really increase your skills & start getting more of what you want in your life. With us, you & your results count.

jamie smart

director

info@saladltd.co.uk

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©2003 jamie smart all rights reserved

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