Jamie Smart’s NLP tip #29 

Watch your language, 23 July 2003

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 This Week’s Tip

Hi everybody, & welcome to 145 new subscribers who have joined us this week.  Thanks as well to everyone who took part in our contest, & congratulations to Richard Silverstein from London , who’s won a free place on the salad training course of his choice.  This week, we’re going to be starting to explore the power of language. 

The other day, I got a piece of bad news, & before I could stop myself, the words “It’s a nightmare” came out of my mouth.  Within moments, my amazing nervous system sprang into life, adjusting my perceptions & internal responses to fall into line with the headline I’d given the situation.  Remember, What The Thinker Thinks, The Prover Proves (see Tip #3 - The Power of Beliefs.)  Within moments, I was genuinely frightened (an appropriate & understandable response to a nightmare, don’t you think?)

The map is not the territory

One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that the map is not the territory it represents – the idea that we do not respond directly to the world, but rather to the ‘map’ or ‘model’ of the world we create.  This ‘map’ is based on our sensory inputs (sight, sound, feeling/touch, taste, smell) & the various process of deletion, distortion & generalisation we use to filter, edit & adjust the incoming data.  The language we use to describe those sensory maps is itself a map, a map of a map, so to speak.

Your words shape your responses

Once I remembered to remember this (& once my wife had told me not to be so melodramatic), I said “OK, it’s not a nightmare, but it is a hiccup.”  As if by magic, my feelings towards the situation changed, & I began to relax.  I was then able to take action to get the situation resolved.  Now I know what you’re thinking: surely it isn’t that simple.  And I would agree: there are situations that really are nightmarish & tragic, but for most of us, they are pretty few & far between.  Using extreme language (nightmare, emergency, disaster etc) to describe less-than-extreme situations (train delay, lost keys, missed project deadline) has a very specific effect: it freaks you out.  When a person gets freaked out, adrenalin gets pumped into their system, a signal that they are in a struggle for survival. 

NEWSFLASH - We interrupt this tip to bring you an urgent message:

You are safer than you think.  Danger is exaggerated.  It’ll all turn out OK.  Relax…relax…relax… - REMEMBER THIS J

Now, if you watch the news or read the papers, you are inundated with messages about how dangerous the world is.  These messages help put & keep people in a state of survival anxiety (please don’t interpret this as evidence of a conspiracy theory – if you start thinking like that it’ll really freak you out J)  A recent survey (for instance) showed that, in the UK, elderly people’s perception that they would be a victim of crime was something like ten times greater than the likelihood of them being a victim of crime.  Of course, the media is a distorted lens.  A news report is just one representation of what’s going on in the world – the map is not the territory.

1)      Become aware of where you might be using extreme language to describe less-than-extreme circumstances.  Once you’ve identified it, choose a more moderate term.

A nightmare can become a hiccup, a disaster can become a conundrum.  Some people even go to the other extreme, & call all problems challenges.  Now, I am not suggesting that you enter into denial: it’s good to be able to feel how you feel, get a clear understanding of the situation, then act from a place of choice.  It can be easier to act from a place of choice when you don’t have a litre of adrenalin coursing through your veins.

The drama, the drama

There is one big benefit of using extreme language in less than extreme situations: it can make everything seem very dramatic, exciting & important.  I know this wouldn’t be the case for any of you, but you may know someone who likes the thrill of the ‘nightmare’.  I was once working on a project where an important delivery date was missed.  “It’s a disaster”, cried one of the people on the steering group.  “ Chernobyl was a disaster”, replied the project sponsor. “This is a minor inconvenience that we need to resolve.”  The atmosphere changed in an instant from panic mode to problem-solving mode, purely because of a reframe in the language.

2)      Decide that you will not add to the adrenalin surplus.  Look for opportunities to soften the language people use in problem / challenge situations (if it isn’t appropriate to say it out loud, at least do it inside your mind.)

The very first job I had in the UK was as a computer operator.  When it came time for my first appraisal, my boss said that my performance was excellent, but that sometimes I didn’t seem to appreciate the gravity of certain situations.  I explained that I did understand the seriousness of these situations, but that she already had enough people panicking & I thought it would be useful to have one person responding calmly.  She agreed!

3)      Decide that you will reduce the adrenalin surplus by relaxing, smiling & laughing more.  Breathing helps (see NLP Tip #16).

It’s nice to be around people who are relaxed & feel good.  When you relax, you can get access to all sorts of resources that aren’t available when you’re tense & anxious.  Relax… relax… relax…

Summary

We’re looking at the power of words to change your experience…

1)      Become aware of where you might be using extreme language to describe less-than-extreme circumstances.  Once you’ve identified it, choose a more moderate term.

2)      Decide that you will not add to the adrenalin surplus.  Look for opportunities to soften the language people use in problem / challenge situations (if it isn’t appropriate to say it out loud, at least do it inside your mind.)

3)      Decide that you will reduce the adrenalin surplus by relaxing, smiling & laughing more.  Breathing helps (see NLP Tip #16).

Next time

Relax… relax… relax… & become intensely curious about how much fun you could have when you use this effect of language to your benefit thinking about pleasurable & enjoyable experiences.  After all, if extreme language intensifies the feelings… don’t have TOO much fun… J

best wishes,

jamie

PS. How would you like to start getting more of the results you want?  For the last time ever, we are discounting the price of our practitioner training, & offering it at the 2002 price for people who pay before 1 August (Click Here for details.)  You’ll see your NLP skills taking off as you learn in an exclusive group (maximum 12) with real-time coaching from me.

jamie smart

director

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info@saladltd.co.uk

f you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends, family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. Feel free to reprint it (with credit and subscription information) and continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments, criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to info@saladltd.co.uk

©2003 jamie smart all rights reserved